Baptism

I was baptized approximately two years before finishing the college because I suddenly wanted to. I repeat, I did not know almost anything about Christianity even after my History of Russian Ancient Art course. I have no idea how it is possible to teach Christian art without talking about the subject of that art but our lecture managed somehow (in another room the lecturer of history made students study Lenin’s works: the atmosphere was odd). Why then I suddenly told my mother that I want to be baptized, I do not know. It was the early summer; we bought the long night dress, white with tiny blue dots, and the aluminum cross for a few kopecks. During Perestroika many would be baptized possessing as little knowledge about Christianity as I did. There was a big crowd before the village church (four kilometers from our dacha and three and a half from the Cosmonauts Village, the church in which my father was also baptized I think – he was dead long before my baptism; however I did not think of that coincidence that day). Several priests were preparing for the mass-baptism, a younger one addressed us with a hopeless intonation “What do you know about Jesus Christ? – Does anyone know the Creed?” There was a dead silence, he dropped his arms down in a gesture of resignation and said “Well, God help us, come in”. The crowd (and I) walked in.

 

There were a few babies among us; the majority was the adults from my age to fifty-something. Of course we were baptized with water poured upon us from tin baskets, not with full immersion – there was no place to immerse adults in that village church. After the baptism I asked an old priest to give me Holy Communion: not that I knew what I was asking for but I heard that I had to, and I fasted for that. The priest was tired and brought it to me without enthusiasm. I partook the Body and Blood and felt nothing.

 

Nothing changed – I did not change. I continued reading my books on philosophy and Eastern religions and in a few years became a Buddhist. I even told my acquaintance, a newly converted Orthodox with long blond braids and floor length skirt, that, “I regret I was baptized”.